I'm in a rambling mood tonight. Hence the cut-tag.

I slept til 10 this morning, because I could, and because I seem to need more sleep since LASIK. It's weird, because you wouldn't think a simple thing like your eyes would cause you to need rest but I find that reading computer screens and such tires me. A lot.

Had a hair appointment. My hair has never been horribly long – down to the bottom of my bra-strap at the longest, and it's bone-straight, and while I used to have it spiral permed, it's really too fine for that, and I got tired of picking rat-nests out of my hair. Two years ago, I cut it excruciatingly short, and I'd left it mostly short until last year, when I realized I missed ponytails. I am, after all, a true geek girl, and ponytails are a vital part of my existance. Also, I cannot stand having my hair in my face. In fact, it bug me when other people have their hair in their faces.

Anyway, today Azam and her new assistant (whose name I didn't get, but seemed like a nice guy) spoiled me – I've been cut, colored, and deep conditioned, and on April 13th I'm returning to my pre-LASIK routine of a manicure every week, and a pedicure every other week, and having my eyebrows waxed.

After my three-hour beauty marathon, I finally have a hair cut that requires no fuss, and is shaped enough that I don't feel compelled to break out the ponytail holders. However, I had to wash it, because the overwhelming amount of STUFF that had been used was making me dizzy and nauseous.

After a break, and a caramel macchiato, we went to the mall, so I could buy a new Franklin Planner. Yes, I have a Visor Prism. Yes, I love my Visor Prism. But sometimes I need INK, and sometimes the planner is better. I'd been using a compact one the last time, but now I have the larger classic size, with a spiffy new leather binder (on sale, of course). They even swapped the free cell-phone holder for a visor-holder, which I needed more.

And of course, since I dragged Fuzzy out of bed before three on a weekend, we had to visit Electronics Boutique, where we bought extension cords for the game pads for our Playstation 2, and a couple games. said the game I should have gotten was Shadows of Destiny, so I bought it. See, I do pay attention to game-talk, sometimes.

We went to Friday's, which is totally not in our neighborhood, but is a holdover favorite from our weekend rituals in SoDak, when we'd go to Zandbroz, then the mall, then Friday's, then B&N. We almost went to see The Time Machine but the hair stuff was making my eyes all wiggy.

We followed that up with a trip to OSH, where we bought a new electric lawnmower. The one the previous owner of our condo left us shorted out recently. Fuzzy claims the edger will do the whole lawn, but the edger scares me, and I /like/ to mow.

I also bought two six-paks of pansies for the colorbowl at the front of our house. I bought a six-pak a couple weeks ago, intending to plant them, and then got distracted. Fuzzy reminded me that OSH would have refunded me for the plants I killed, but my time is worth more than $1.89 in store credit. The new pansies, however, are planted.

So, here I sit. Showered (I smell like banana bread, thanks to my vanilla and banana bath gel, from Whole Foods), and freshly coiffed, and satisfied that I've done enough productive things for the weekend to justify hanging around and reading all day tomorrow.

Well, after I mow the lawn.

I've been doing more reading, because it doesn't dry my eyes out as much as computing does. On Xeni's 'finished' stack so far:

Neverwhere (Neil Gaiman): Dark fantasy, alt. London. Quick read. Recommended by and loaned to me by . They tell me there's a BBC miniseries of it that I must see.

Hard Laughter (Anne Lamott): She used to be 'novelist in residence' of KQED Radio's “West Coast Weekend” show, when it was still broadcast from Fort Mason. This was one of her early books, and I really enjoyed it. Except that I kept wanting to clean the main character's house.

A Caress of Twilight (Laurell K. Hamilton): The newest book in her Merry Gentry series, I jokingly described this book to as “Faerie Porn.” It's not, really, but it was a great read.

Next up, The Red Tent, recommended by OD's Princess Ella.

Questions swiped from , who credits . Answers purely mine.

1. WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR LJ USERNAME?
It's a variation on the spelling of 'zenobia' which has been my email ID and online nic since about 1993. It was taken when I started my LJ.

2. NAME FIVE [5] OF YOUR FAVORITE PIG-OUT FOODS.

-Braeburn apples and extra sharp cheddar cheese (together)
-Rice pudding
-Thin/crispy crust cheese pizza
-Bagels and cream cheese (no fruit flavors, that's just wrong)
-Sushi

3. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MAKEOVER?
Yes.

4. HAVE YOU EVER WITNESSED DEATH?
No. And I won't attend open-casket funerals, either. But that's because I don't like seeing people I love looking like wax fruit.

5. WHAT'S THE LONGEST TIME YOU'VE STAYED OUT OF THE COUNTRY/WHERE?
A week in Baja Sur over Christmas.

6. ONE THING YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR, TODAY.
That the sun has come up. Every new day is a gift.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY?
Freshman Shakespeare Trip.

8. WHAT IS THE MOST INSANE THING YOU'VE DONE FOR/TO YOUR LOVE?
I moved to South Dakota, and stayed for three years.

9. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING.
I had it. A humanist ceremony, my grandmother as ring-bearer, no fuss, no angst, just love. And chocolate.

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE DOING WHEN YOU ARE 60?
Living at the beach, writing a lot, and gardening.

11. WHAT IS YOUR FIRST MEMORY?
The sound of foghorns at night.

12. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE QUOTE? WHAT IS IT?
Sappho: “If you are squeamish, do not disturb the beach rubble.”

13. MY FIRST HEARTBREAK HAPPENED WHEN I WAS …
… 4, and I was dragged away from being able to see my grandparents every day, when we moved from NJ to CO.

14. THE SCHOOL PICTURE YOU BURIED IN YOUR BOTTOM DRAWER?
Is somewhere in my mother's storage unit, I think. I liked it. I wore a pink tie-dyed blouse and a very cool straw hat.

15. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD PREFERENCES? WHAT ARE THEY?
Um…I like peanut butter and banana sandwiches? Sexual preferences, I'm not at liberty to reveal without first asking . Oh…I prefer that bras don't have little bows (as in ribbons) in the center.

16. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
They seem to have a tendency to start a compelling project about five minutes before a meal, or an appointment. This boggles me.

17. WHAT DO YOU BUY WHEN YOU BUY YOURSELF A 'GUILTY PLEASURE' THAT ISN'T FOOD? WHY?
Books, stationery supplies, hats, and greetng cards.

18. NAME ONE CHARACTER IN A BOOK YOU'D MOST WANT TO BE.
Mmm. When I was little I wanted to be Jo March or Harriet Walsch. Now…mmm…Anne Hastings (from the old Allen Drury novel) or Cleo Spearefield (from Spearefield's Daughter). Or any of the women in an Anne Rivers Siddons novel, but only for a few days.

19. IF YOU WERE FAMOUS, AND WERE TO BE A GUEST ON A TALK SHOW, WHOSE SHOW WOULD YOU CHOOSE? WHY?
I don't even /watch/ talk-shows. But I fantasize about telling Martha Stewart to pull her hair out of her face

20. OMITTED

21. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD SLEEPING HABITS?
Cool air temp, heavy covers (not necessarily warm, but heavy), and white noise are all things I require. And I don't like sleeping at other people's houses.

22. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FLAW?
A combination of naivete, shyness, and being judgemental.

23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW?
This changes too often.
But “Stars and the Moon” and “Vienna” are perennial favorites, as is “Someone Like You” from J&H

24. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES IN THESE CATEGORIES: HUMOR, ROMANCE, DRAMA, ACTION, HORROR?
Humor: A Fish Called Wanda
Romance: Chocolat
Drama: The Lover (European Version)
Action: The Fugitive
Horror: Shadow of the Vampire

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY SONG?
Colors of the Wind.

26. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM HOUSE.
Weatherd wooden house, driftwood gray, though it would probably have been slate blue, originally. Lots of windows. A turret of some kind, and a widow's walk. On the coast. A fireplace and a gourmet kitchen are essential, as is a truly indulgent bathroom.

27. YOUR TYPICAL SLEEPWEAR:
I have an amazing array of sleepshirts and pajamas, but they're really lounge-wear. Let's leave it at that.

28. WHAT'S IN YOUR CLOSET?
Clothes, hats, shoes, lots of shoes, a bunch of boxes that is supposed to move out of the closet, and a couple stray swords.

29. WHAT IS THE MOST INTERESTING THING YOU'VE EVER WORN IN PUBLIC?
An antique Kimono

30. HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR WALLET RIGHT NOW?
$76.91 USD and $150 MXP

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES?
Black suede flats, slightly raised heels, slightly pointed toes. Bought them when I was 18, and have had them re-soled three times, and thinking of doing so again. No other shoe has made my feet feel so happy, since my fire-engine red Reeboks fell apart.

32. WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF IN YOUR LIFE?
Lots of little things that are meaningful only to me.

33. HOW WAS YOUR SENIOR PROM?
Boycotted it, and went to Cayucas with friends instead. Great weekend, except for the fishhook in my toe.

34. TELL US ABOUT ANY OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS.
When I turned nine, my mother did a theme with the number nine, including a nine-fairie. When I turned 30, she had just moved to Baja, and sent presents to arrive every day for the week surrounding it, but most of my birthdays were horrid as a kid, because it's in mid-August, and no one was ever around.

35. WHAT DO YOU MOST ENJOY ABOUT LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE?
I get the biggest kick out of people who have no sense of place. Like couples who think it's completely appropriate to have loud arguments in restaurants. But I still think like a drama student, so I watch to pick up how they walk/move/stand/gesture etc.

36. WHAT ARE THE FIRST FIVE THINGS YOU WOULD SPLURGE ON IF YOU WERE A BILLIONAIRE?
-Pay off all debt for self and immediate family.
-Hire a really good CPA to keep me sheltered from scary taxes
-Start a couple of businesses I've always dreamed about
-WRITE

37. WHAT IS YOUR DAILY BEFORE-GOING-TO-BED RITUAL?
Fill water glass, fill humidifier, plump pillows, general personal hygiene-related things, calling in the dogs, and putting goop in my eyes (now), before LASIK, about a half hour of reading once my conctacts were out.

38. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST/FUNNIEST NICKNAME ANYONE HAS EVER CALLED YOU?
I've never been one to acquire nicknames. In fact, I hate them. I think people should be called what they wish to be called.

39. NAME THREE [3] OF YOUR FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTERS
I honestly don't watch cartoons. (No, not even anime)

40. WHAT ARE THE MAGAZINES YOU READ ON A REGULAR BASIS?
Ms., Writer's Digest, Coastal Living, and Sunset (I know, I'm so disgustingly domestic)

So, if you don't already know this, I'm not one for organized religion. That being said, if you are, and specifically if you're Catholic, you may want to not read the rest of this.

PETAs baby Jesus shocker (from The Scoop):
A new ad campaign that shows the Virgin Mary breastfeeding Jesus has shocked and infuriated some members of the Catholic Church.

A billboard recently went up in Jackson, Miss., showing the image and the words, If It Was Good Enough for Jesus . . . . The sign has already caused a stir in the town, where some area residents demanded it be removed.

The people behind the ad say that's not likely to happen. “What should seriously offend the people of Mississippi is that they have the highest rate of infant mortality and the lowest rate of breastfeeding” said Bruce Friedrich of PETA, the group behind the billboard, which can be seen here.

So, our title rep insisted that he be allowed to take us to lunch today. And since we're a casual office, we were suggesting boring usual lunch spots, like Hobees.

D. would have none of that. “No,” he insisted, “We're going someplace nice. After all Big Title Company is paying.”

Now, I have been known to frequent several of San Jose's trendiest restaurants, Stratta and The Agenda among them (the latter, by the way, is the best place to watch downtown action w/o being part of it), but of course, I didn't think of this, so D. called his friend CommercialBroker, and got a referral.

We ended up going to Le Papillon, a white-tablecloth French restaurant on Saratoga.

Now, D. and E., my lunchmates, are very sweet men. E. is 37, father of a ten-year-old, and he and his longterm SO just bought a very cool house in Felton. D. is trendy, and thinks 30 is 'old'. (He's the Title Rep). Neither of them frequent such restaurants, and while E. is old enough that he can blend, D. was not. Now, I may live in comfy sloppy clothes most of the time, but I'm not a stranger to this atmosphere, and yes, I can pull off the image of being a lady who lunches. When I want to.

There's an art to such places, even when you aren't having two-martini lunches. You have to be able to pull off casual superiority. You also need to know which fork to use, and that if you're unfamiliar with French food, steak is always a safe bet.

So, we all had their crab cocktail (Dungeness Crab Cocktail with Avocado, Grapefruit and Pepper-Vodka Tomato Water), which was light and yummy, and hey, free buzz! E. had steak. D. ordered wild mushroom raviolli, which was not a wise choice for someone who associates raviolli with Chef Boyardee. And I didn't think to caution him that he'd not like it.

I had salmon in ginger and kumquat sauce, on a corn-patty. It wasn't the best salmon I've ever had, but it wasn't the worst, and I loved the sauce.

We skipped dessert.

And when I got back to our admittedly-dingy office, I looked around and realized how much I hate my job, and being required to follow someone else's schedule (no matter how flexible), and how much I wish I could con someone into paying me to write for a living.

*sigh*

Is it Friday yet?

The clock on my wall tells me that it's 8:09 AM, despite the fact that the computer thinks it's 8:08. Close enough, I suppose. I'm used to having fifteen-minute time-warps between rooms, so what's a minute or so among friends.

In any case, anything before 8:30 is, for me, what getting up at 4 or 5 AM would be for most other people. Because I'm spoiled. My workday doesn't normally start til 10. and I have this finely tuned morning routine where one of us (generally him) rolls out of bed between 8 15 and 8:30, and the other (generally me) gets to sleep until nine. The target time for leaving the house is 9:30, and once in a while we actually hit that target, but not usually.

Today, however, it's not even 8:30, and I'm at work. It's kind of eerie, being here so early. No one ever shows up before nine, and most folks wander in between 10 and 11. We are a company of night-owls, and most of the time this works.

There are reasons for my being here at this time – one of which was that I had to find a way to deliver the latest Laurell K. Hamilton book to . (I picked up a second copy when I purchased my own last night, after consulting him.) The book itself is A Caress of Twilight and I tend to be spoiler-prone so I'll stop there. I was pretty spacey this morning – my eyes still felt sleep-dry, and I was all bleary. So I think I was rude to him (it wasn't intentional), which sometimes happens when I talk to people before my daily dose of caffeine.

So, my plan is to zip through all my work foo, beginning at nine, and then get out of here early.

We'll see if that actually happens.

A recent survey found that…

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or
Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that
kills you.

At Starbucks this morning, as we left the parking lot, we were stuck behind a ponytailed woman in a car that looked rather like it was leftover from the 70's. Large. White. American. She was drumming the steering wheel and singing along with whatever she was listening to, which would have been fine, if she'd only been driving with some semblance of normal speed. Thankfully, we weren't behind her for long. Her license plate was 2BIP003, although I wanted the first 0 to be an O. Because then it would have been a rather optimistic plate for Silicon Valley: 2B-IPO-03

***

Later in our drive, we passed Happy Old Guy, who takes his morning constitutional at about the same time that we get to his block every day. He's always walking briskly, fanny-pack at the ready, smile on his face. I think he'd be happier if he had a dog, though.

***

And finally, on this warm spring morning, when usually is the only person alive who would need to be wearing a coat, we passed another older guy, trudging down Parkmoor in a camouflage-colored parka, and silver ski pants. My comment, “Um, camouflage doesn't really make you blend on a suburban street corner” garnered a glare, and the response that a lime green t-shirt (um, actually, it's pistachio, but he's color blind, so for him that was amazingly accurate) doesn't really make you blend in a Subaru Forester. As if I'd try!

I don't generally do quizzes, but The Kingdomality Test has been one of my favorites for years.

Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer. Your overriding goal is to solve the people problems of your world. You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

It should be noted that I always either get this result, or, less frequently, prime minister

. . .You're part of the problem. At least, that's what I've always believed.

So today I took a step I should not have taken – I posted a note to ISW's weyrlings admonishing them (some might say 'reaming' them) for not meeting the WLMstaff half way.

I'm not usually the reaming type. I'm the one who sits and observes and makes rare comments. While I can lead, if I have to, I'm not at my best in the spotlight, preferring to be behind the scenes. Well, usually. And it's not even that I'm shy, as it is that it takes me a while to warm up to people.

There are a few notable exceptions to this. My husband and are among them.

In any case, I posted what I did because I was angry. Because more than one of the WLMstaff had been venting to me about the current weyrlings. Are they evil? Well no. But as a class they have missed more collective lessons, and been more lax about responding to things than any collection of weyrlings I've ever seen. I've heard people at other weyrs talking about how they complain about each other, how classes never happen. I've seen a really good WLM want to quit. And the afore-mentioned who was actually looking forward to being active with the weyrlings is now even more bitter than he was when we met, if that's even possible.

I blame myself for wanting to help. I meant well. I thought lighting a fire under some asses would make them realize that their inactivity wasn't just affecting them.

I blame myself for 's increased bitterness and apathy.

I blame myself for not speaking up sooner when it might have actually helped, instead of seething about it.

I should have cleared it with my WL's, yes, but I thought that if it came from me, who has no real influence over weyrlings, it might be looked upon as less a reprimand than an observation.

Clearly I was wrong.

And so Ista may lose a bronzerider. And Ista needs bronzeriders – active bronzeriders – very badly. I am expendable. They are not.

So I sent a resignation. Do I really want to resign? Well, no, but I also don't want the weyr to remain at odds with each other. And if I can take a fall for this, what's one caverns person among many?