No… we started our journey on a ship at sea, so lets end it with some “Land Ahoy!” Write about the destination… the port, the land, the horizon, the future…

ZOE

(sighing)

So much has changed, Basil. When we met, you were primarily a scientist, an explorer… then the war happened, and I was the wife of a solider, a battle commander, and finally we built peace again, and now…

BASIL

(picking up her thought)

…and now, retirement. Do you recall, Zoe, when I referred to the different changes and evolutions in our relationship as ‘etudes’ for us to master?

ZOE

I do. It was an apt metaphor.

Find an expression, an idiom, a cliche, etc…and use it as a literal impetus for the play.
Perhaps write a play about an apple standing at the gate and fighting a doctor?
Perhaps a monologue by one patch of grass, envyingly looking at another’s greenness?
Perhaps a tree trying desperately to tell a dog barking at it – that he is not the tree he’s looking for?
Two peas discussing the meaning of life… in their pod?
A shop in which customers have to pay with their arms and legs?
The life of a silver lining, having to be attached to a cloud they despise?
An it, who can only tango after taking two paracetamols?
I can go on all day!

CLAUDE

(inhales his cigarette and then blowing a perfect series of smoke rings a la the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland)

It all seems so pointless, do you see? Like carrying buckets of water to the sea. One drop and then another, one wave and then a dozen more, and on, and on, and nothing changes, nothing grows.

CLAUDE

(blows another series of smoke rings)

I look in the mirror and I see myself reflected back, and if I look more closely, look into my own eyes, I see my own reflected reflection. I search for purpose and find only algae and plankton, as if I live only to keep my section of the ocean free of tiny things.

So it’s time for an autobiography! Time to tell our stories. Perhaps you believe you have a funny one… or perhaps yours is tragic… or perhaps it’s boring… or perhaps… as my pre-brief suggested … it’s simply pointless!
Either way – put it in a play (I think that can be the next 28 Plays Later slogan)

Our lives… as eventful or boring as the may be… have been going on for a long time. I think this challenge calls for a saga.
I expect many, many scenes… I expect many, many characters – some leads… some walk-ons.

WRITER runs a hand through her hair messing up her already frazzled messy bun.

WRITER

But the thing is, Madeleine L’Engle was right when she said that the Judao-Christian God was literally MADE of Story, then if humans are made in God’s image, we’re made of Story too, so if you want to know me, the best way to know who I am, is through the stories I tell.

WRITER turns to leave, then pauses on the edge of the spotlight’s circle of illumination and steps back into the light.

WRITER

Bribing me with dark chocolate and frou-frou coffee have also been known to work.

Every writer has started working on something and then gave up halfway through. We all have somewhere an incomplete idea or play.
Your challenge for today, should you choose to accept it, is to find one of those ideas and complete them!

If you manage to do that – you will become a god!
It will be like raising the dead!

LOVER

(rolling over and sitting up, but keeping the sheets wrapped around her)

Do I smell coffee?

BELOVED

You do… Slide over…

LOVER

Ohhh… I do love you.

BELOVED

You say that to all the men who bring you coffee in bed.

LOVER

No… only to the ones who remember I like cream.

BELOVED

Ah, well, then I’m in luck.

So maybe it’s time to be a bit controversial (we haven’t had any controversial challenge this year, have we?!)… so for this year’s controv top let’s look at Cultural Appropriation!

A heated and very current topic, but it does raise a few interesting questions – for example, at what point does inspiration become appropriation? And shouldn’t we as artists we be excited to learn about other cultures and from this melt pot that is our brain to create something new, or are we treading on dangerous waters by even subconsciously immersing ourselves in other cultures.

You may have heard about the controversial speech that Lionel Shriver made about cultural appropriation, asking whether writers shouldn’t be allowed to write from other perspectives that are not theirs culturally. And without ruffling any feathers (remember, I’m only asking questions, not giving any answers) where is the boundary? Should a white man be allowed to write from a black woman’s perspective? Should a gay woman be allowed to write from a trans’ perspective? Should a German writer be allowed to write from a Polish perspective? Or should we only write from our own limited experiences in life?

Perhaps the solution to this quandary is something completely different. Is writing truthfully and honestly becoming too crippling now? Maybe the way out of this minefield is by going away from the limited mind, the limited human experience, and taking art into new realms? (but that might be a brief of its own)
I don’t know… over to you!

ZOE

I guess it’s my turn to ‘not understand.’

BASIL

The Terran philosopher Alan Watts once said “Through our eyes, the universe is perceiving itself. Through our ears, the universe is listening to its harmonies. We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.” By ‘trying on’ aspects of another culture, so long at it is done respectfully – by ‘stepping into another’s skin’ as you do when you inhabit the characters you play, you are granting yourself a new perspective not just on the culture you are attempting to represent, but on your own culture as well.

ZOE

I… guess. But… that doesn’t necessarily make it okay.

BASIL

Have you asked Mac why he wants you to play the part?

Today you will have a choice between BBC Radio 5 Live and BBC Radio 6 Music

BBC Radio 5 Live – “Live news and live sport”. With regular news updates every half hour, this is where any breaking news will first be broadcast. It also dedicates 35% of its scheduling to sport, either as live coverage or for discussion-led show.

BBC Radio 6 Music – The station describes itself as, “the cutting edge music of today, the iconic and groundbreaking music of the past 40 years and unlimited access to the BBC’s wonderful music archive”. It is also the only station giving DJs full control over what they are playing. Commerciality doesn’t come into it, and the DJs are highly regarded by their listeners as experts, as are the listeners by the DJs.

For bonus points – Sports and alternative culture – now there’s a combination of a play I’d love to see!

Yeah, me too. Or with my dad, when we’d go fishing on weekends.

SHELLY

I miss fishing trips. We should go sometime.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V/O)

… and we’re deep into game five of the 2018 world series, and it’s the bottom of the fifteenth, and something… something weird is happening to the crowd… they’ve stopped screaming “batter, batter,” and are moaning for… brains…

SHELLY

(confused)

Did he say what I think he said?

DAVE

Brains?

SHELLY

Yeah.

So this week is all about the magnificent BBC Radio, with a particular eye on writing for audiences.

Today you will have a choice between BBC Radio 3 and BBC Radio 4

BBC Radio 3 – Best known for its classical content, which constitutes about 85% of its scheduling, this station also plays jazz, world music, new music, arts programmes and even has a weekly slot for drama. Most famously worldwide, this station is the home to the Proms and it broadcasts more live music than any other network.

BBC Radio 4 – Dubbed by some as a station for the “middle-class, liberal elite”, this is an all-speech station that discusses and presents topics ranging from current events, art, comedy, entertainment, religion, philosophy and almost anything, really. It is also the home to many playwrights, as it presents a substantial amount of new drama.

For bonus points – and seeing as both stations’ demographics are fairly similar, perhaps try to bridge some gaps. Create a piece of populist theatre that still takes its inspiration from these slightly more “high-brow” stations. Can we create a piece to bring together Radio 4 Listeners and Daily Mail readers? Can we bring together Radio 3 listeners and One Directioners (they’re still a thing, right?)

HORACE

Alright, welcome back, everyone to Only Sixty Thousand Milliseconds. This is the game where each of our players will attempt to speak on a given topic for sixty thousand milliseconds without hesitating, deviating, repeating or Shatnerizing.

EVERYONE

All hail Shatner! All hail the Shat!

HORACE

As well, we have one rule that no one’s allowed to break, and that’s Wheaton’s Law. What’s that law everyone?

EVERYONE

Don’t be a dick!

HORACE

Right, so what that means is that while you will be buzzed for any of the four listed infractions, you are allowed to repeat the words in the topic, and you’re allowed to re-use common words like a, an, the, and, or, is, et cetera. If you are buzzed out and the reason is valid, the person who buzzed you gains a point and takes over the topic and remaining time. If the reason was invalid, the original speaker gains a point and keeps the topic. If you aren’t buzzed out you keep speaking until you hear the timer go, and if you’re still speaking at the end of sixty thousand milliseconds, you get a point for that, as well. Are you ready to play?

So this week is all about the magnificent BBC Radio, with a particular eye on writing for audiences.

Today you will have a choice between BBC Radio 1 and BBC Radio 2

BBC Radio 1 – “Where it Beings” – this station is aimed at an audience aged 15-29, playing mainstream music, with a focus on entertainment and music that is “the sound of now”. About 4,000 new songs are played every month. It also includes news, documentaries and advice for young adults.

BBC Radio 2 – “The Home of Great Music” – this station is aimed at an audience aged 35-55, mixing all genres of music, current and oldies, covering things from live concerts to religious output and social action campaigns.

You can also choose Radio 1Xtra – a digital station aimed at an audience aged 15-24, that plays contemporary Hip Hop and RnB with a strong emphasis on new and live music.

JILL

Yes, you do. You do it all the time. Every time there’s some dead-rock-star song on the radio, you do it.

LINDA

(growing exasperated)

Jill, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.

JILL

JILL returns her seat to its upright position in as passive-aggressive a manner as is possible.

You… were just doing it in the car, and you did it in the grocery store. You… you bop around and act cute, like you want people to see you, and it’s horribly embarrassing and you do it on purpose!

LINDA

‘Bop around and act cute?’

JILL

Yeah, you know… dancing to the radio while driving. Dancing to the music in the store. But never the good music. Like this station… seriously… dead rock stars is all they play…

Today I’ll give you the opening line – you just have to do the rest!

And here it is:

“Get your filthy hand off me, JJ, the falafel is burning and after what your ferret did to the doctor, I think you have a lot of explaining to do!”

Make the play as long or as short as you like!

Use as many or as few actors as you like!

In other words, do what you like!

Bonus points if you end the play with the following line:

“If I see your red-tailed donkey in the shopping centre one more time, I’ll send the geese to eat your kids.”

FATIMA:        (angry) Well, Mama isn’t here now. (realizing, quietly) And Daddy isn’t either. Oh, Jay, I miss them, too. Mama can’t come back to us, ever, but at least Daddy is alive and well and not in ICE custody like so many others. And at least they left us a way to pay the bills.

Fatima peers through the window and determines that those final customers have left. She kills the lights in the parking lot and turns off the OPEN sign.

FATIMA:        Go bus those last couple of tables, will you, and I’ll shut down in here, and then we can go home. Kevin’s making chili tonight.

JJ:                     (brightly) No leftover shawarma?

FATIMA:        (affectionately) No leftover shawarma.