Forget your troubles, c’mon get happy
You better chase all your cares away
Shout “hallelujah”, c’mon get happy
Get ready for the judgement day
The smell of sugar was nauseating, the air conditioning was turned too low, and no matter how many times Dave had cleaned them, the inside tables were still sticky, and the outside tables were still clammy with the thick Florida humidity that hovered over everything on summer evenings. If he were lucky, it would rain, and break the monotony.
Dave was never that lucky.
He glanced at the Elvis clock on the wall above the menu board. Both hands were pointing downward from the King’s crotch. Six-thirty. Ninety minutes to go.
The song changed from a Jan & Dean surf tune to an older piece. Judy Garland crooning about forgetting your troubles. Funny, he thought, how even when she was urging people to get happy, she still sounded sad.
The stand-up poster of James Dean, standing guard over the freezer case full of ice cream cakes and six-packs of Dixie cups – the old-fashioned kind with the wooden paddles that tasted like tongue depressors when you sucked the ice cream off them – seemed to reflect Dave’s mood. The movie star looked even flatter than a cardboard cutout had any right to.
The penultimate hour of his shift was typical of the beachfront ice cream parlor. A group of teenagers came in giggling and asking to taste five different flavors apiece before choosing their single-scoop cones. A tired-looking mother entered with two children in tow, got them each a single-scoop sundae and took them out to the brightly lit patio to eat them. “…so you won’t mess up the floor if you spill…” She got an espresso, affogato style, for herself.
Dave didn’t have the heart to tell her that he had to clean the patio floor, too, before he could go home.
It was eight-forty-five when She appeared: a large woman on an electric scooter. The door rattled open, and the bell attached to it seemed to shiver rather than ring, and she bumped it several times as she lined up her mobility device with the entryway that was just barely ADA-compliant.
“Ma’am,” Dave offered. “If it’s easier for you, I can serve you from the window.” The walk-up window was a remnant from the days when the parlor had been more of a shack, and kids had been encouraged to remain outside.
“No need.” She maneuvered the scooter inside with a sort of metaphysical pop. “Might need your help getting out though.”
“Sure, happy to…” He wasn’t, really, but what was he supposed to say. “Do you know what you want?”
“You,” she said, and while she was smiling, Dave wasn’t entirely certain that she was kidding.
“Aw, thanks, but my girlfriend might have a problem with that.” He didn’t have a girlfriend, but weird customers hit on him a lot, and it was his stock response.
“Mmm. Then I need a minute.”
“Sure. Take your time.” Dave busied himself with the beginning of closing prep while he watched the woman on the scooter. She wasn’t overweight, exactly. She was just… big. Thick ankles, thick wrists, a more-than-ample bosom that her sports bra and tank top barely contained… even her hair, which desperately needed a brush run through it, was big.
“Mint chocolate chip. The green kind. In a cup, with hot fudge.”
“Do you want whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry – the whole sundae experience?”
“No,” she said. “Just the hot fudge.” Her eyes, when they met his, were nearly black. “A lot of hot fudge.”
“You can pay over there.” He gestured to the cash register counter, where the spoons were hidden. It was the way they guaranteed no one would walk out without paying. Spoons weren’t provided until after cash had exchanged hands.
She rolled up to the other counter and met his eyes again, passing him a ten-dollar bill and asking, “You enjoy working here?”
“Truth?” he asked.
“Always tell the truth, so you’re ready for the judgement day,” she said, her tone ominous.
“There are worse jobs,” Dave answered honestly. “But sometimes I swear the smell of ice cream will never wash out of my hair or clothes. Like, it feels like that sickly-sweet sugary sent will linger on my skin forever.”
“Not forever, Dave…” she reached for the ice cream cup, and he flinched when their fingers touched.
He forced a smile. “I sure hope not.”
She rolled over to one of the tables by the window and he finished the closing process while she ate, then held the door when she indicated she was ready to leave.
“It’s coming soon, Dave,” she said. “Get ready for the judgement day. The ice cream was good. Be careful when you leave; rain’s coming and the roads will be slippery.”
He didn’t ask how she knew his name. Probably, he’d actually remembered to wear his nametag. Or maybe she’d been in before, but you’d think he’d remember. “Uh, thanks for the advice.”
Dave couldn’t lock the door fast enough.
The rain came as he was leaving, one of those torrential summer storms that pops up for an hour and leaves no trace. He watched the lightning for a while from inside the door, then locked it behind him and headed home.
He never saw the truck that swerved on the rain-slick pavement and hit him. The next thing Dave knew was the soft squishiness of the large scooter-woman’s breasts against his back. “Am I dead?” he asked. “Is this heaven?”
“You already lived through hell, Dave.” Her voice vibrated through him. “You’re not in heaven yet, though. It’s down the road a way.”
He accepted that. It was easier to just agree.
She changed a setting on her scooter, and they glided down the road to a place where he’d never have to scoop ice cream again.
Forget your troubles, c’mon get happy
You better chase all your cares away
Shout “hallelujah”, c’mon get happy
Get ready for the judgement day!
“Get Happy” was composed by Harold Arlen with lyrics by Ted Koehler.
Written for Brief #2 of Like the Prose 2021: Heaven and/or Hell.
